In my quest to try and live a life of legacy where I wouldn’t want to be easily forgotten, I tried one thing that I have always been afraid of – reaching out to people.
These days, I like my presence to be known. I’d like to leave footprints in people’s hearts as much as I could as proof that once, I existed. And that for once, I lived.
I don’t know what has gotten into me, but turning 30 recently made me feel as though I am already halfway through life.
It made me become more in tune with my thoughts, my feelings, and with the present happenings around me.
I usually wait for the right time – I’m a procrastinator. I don’t know if it’s stemming from my own self-doubts or that I really believe things could still get better.
I always thought my skin could get better, I always thought I could always lose some more weight, I always thought I could dress better, and I always thought my life would probably be a whole much more meaningful if I just work a little harder.
But I realized so much time has passed by waiting for the right moment – to be happy, to be content, to live life.
So I decided I’d like to be present in the moment.
Recently I attended a highschool classmate’s wedding – something I would never do out of the blue, or just because. But I did anyway. Because that one time will never happen again.
I also show up in family reunions as much as I could after all these years of missing in action. I spend more time laughing with my cousins, appreciating their quirks, re-living the yesteryears, helping out my relatives in ways I know how, and just try to be around, really.
I try to play with the little ones at home if I could – because they wouldn’t always be little, and I know I will miss it when they aren’t anymore.
I hug and kiss my parents more, and purposely annoy them at times too. I figured I want to be more showy with my feelings, be someone they can vent to and lean on, and recently, I at least think I tend to be more sensitive to their feelings too.
And these do not happen only if I get the time – I now make the time.
We only have one life, and here I am trying to document these little things, because I don’t want to forget any of them. I feel like I have developed this fear of missing out – but in a good way.
I can’t be wasting all these preciousness because it is rare.
Imagine, I could have been born 80 years ago, and all these people in my life could have just been born. We could have probably not met – but we all did at a certain point in this life.
In this timeline, we were all given a chance to meet. Of all people I could’ve met, here you all are. We were gathered in one place. And I think I should make that rare chance count.
I recently celebrated my birthday – and hadn’t it been for Facebook reminding everyone it is indeed my birthday that day, or allowing people to post on my feed for the first time, not much people would have probably remembered it is my birthday.
And this thought occured to me many times that day. “Have I not touched enough people’s lives that no one tends to remember me even on my special day?”
It hit me. And it hit me hard at that.
Of all the people I came across with – batchmates, colleagues, people from a religion I do not practice anymore, schoolmates, acquaintances, guildees, TV industry – not much remembered.
Which brings me down to this new quest – one where I touch more people’s lives. How I do that, I barely even know. But I can always try one good deed at a time.
These days, I breathe air like I would never have a chance again. I spend my days like I wouldn’t have another. I now choose my battles, and I seize the day and weigh out what matters.
So I am reaching out to you – whoever you are.
Whether you were part of my past or will be part of my future…
Just take my hand.