Tag: falling in love

I FELL IN LOVE

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You might be thinking “Don’t we all?”

Yes, we probably all have at one point or another.

But this is different. And if you allow me to let you understand my standpoint as to why I had to get this post out, it might just open your eyes.

Shall I tell you my story?

 

I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN LOVE

“I have never been in love.”

This is probably one of the toughest claims I ever had to make.

In fact, I only recently realized this after not having been in a relationship for long.

It has finally occurred to me how a pause is utterly important.

Sometimes, we need to find time away from things to regain its meaning again, just like life, love, and all the aspects in between.

And this isn’t something I came up with just out of the blue.

It took so much thought, so much experience, so much comparison, and so much reasoning, before I became stern with my conclusion.

Finally, I guess it’s safe to say that I was able to distinguish what love is from what it is not, although it’s not in any way my intention to define what it is, today – just a heads up!

 

I HAVE NEVER BEEN RIGHT

“My ideas were quite wrong.”

For some reason, I always get attracted to broken people. To me then, love was when you feel this innate desire to fill in people’s brokenness.

That’s where my idea revolved around when it comes to love.

And I guess my idea is kind of twisted.

I thought back then that it was love whenever I give out compliments.

I thought back then that it was love whenever I make sure that they feel confident about themselves.

I thought back then that it was love whenever I worry about them purposely. (And sometimes, forcefully too!)

I thought back then that it was love whenever I show them affection.

I thought back then that it was love whenever I let them have my full attention.

I thought back then that it was love whenever I ensure they feel secured, wanted, and missed.

I thought back then that it was love whenever I have them do things their way.

I thought back then that it was love whenever I allow everything they wanted to.

I thought back then that it was love whenever I provide them more room for my own self-sacrifice.

I was wrong.

The things I thought back then weren’t the only things that define you indeed fell in love with a person.

Boy, did I have to learn the hard way that everything I thought about love, wasn’t love at all.

I swear it was quite a feat!

 

I HAVE NEVER BEEN CLEAR

“I probably just needed some company.”

It was always only as if I have to force myself to this person I do not truly want – but was available.

Now that I think about it, I must have never fallen head over heels over anybody, I would say. It was always more of an obsession I created, or an addiction that was hard to quit.

Sometimes, I just try the best that I ever could to accept them until my own system regurgitates them off of me.

Until I find that everything they say, do, or even breathe, are all annoying.

More like, I only prioritise them at one point in my life, until it sucks.

#NAMSAYN #YouKnowWhatIAmSaying

I even have a record of being the one to always leave in a relationship.

Am I bad? You can say so.

And I won’t blame you.

Perhaps it has also been too easy to lay down the words “I love you.” as opposed to really doing them.

If I were to word it in my own terms, it is probably more of that I dedicated myself to a person for a certain period of time, instead.

Although on a side note, I’d seriously compliment myself in that regard, as I really liked the way I dedicated my life to the ones whom I thought I loved.

Because it turned out, that I fought for them in all ways I could, I gave them everything until I bleed out dry, and because I cared for them the best way I know how – while it lasted.

No regrets, indeed!

 

I HAVE NEVER BEEN AVAILABLE

“I’ve never given my 100%, even for once.”

I guess it was all because of the reason that I wasn’t available in most, if not all aspects – physically, emotionally, financially, and et cetera.

I could have dedicated my life to these people – but in reality, at the back of my head, I have other plans.

In fact, up until this point, being in love with another individual is not a priority for me. Not at all.

To a point where if I a guy that I like will try to make a move, they will only get turned down non-chalantly.

Not only that, my standards have been set so unrealistically high these days as I realize and learn a ton of things.

Besides, I have too many things to work on, too many things to improve, too many responsibilites, too many obligations, and too many dreams to reach.

 

BUT TODAY I FELL IN LOVE

“But today, I fell in love.”

Yes, I did.

And I am proud to finally say so.

Here’s our story…

I met this person today, and boy, did I like everything I saw.

Skin is rather dry. Face is rather swollen. Hair is rather disheveled all over.

But what struck me the most is the peace you can see in those eyes longingly looking at me.

I smiled.

“Ah, so this is you.” I muttered.

I tried to take a picture of this person through my phone’s camera with no filters and all – something I myself have always dreaded doing.

But upon seeing the photo, I felt pity altogether.

I frowned.

And the words that came out of my mouth were: “Stop looking for your other half. You, yourself are whole.”

It was stern. My words were.

This person is here, fighting for existence, finding a place here on Earth, and here I am, already judging too easily just like that.

Am I not?

Perhaps. Perhaps not.

Honestly, I have finally come to my senses and realized just how much potential I have – which is one major difference from then and now. Not fully, but enough to know. 

I now know that I can give so much more.

I now know that I am worth so much more.

I now also know that love is something so much more.

I am slowly learning to value myself better these days, even.

Which is exactly why I am being like this towards this person.

This person in the mirror looking back at me, whom I have completely chosen to fully fall in love with.

 

 

 

THE DANGERS OF FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF SOMEONE

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THE INTERNALIZATION

To give you a better insight of how the concept of falling in love with an idea is, I’d like to take you through a quick journey.

I picked out a random guy I do not personally know. I haven’t seen him, nor have been with him at all.

These are all just going to be pre-conceived notions of who he is, or who he could be based on what I observe about him on Social Media.

Try to internalize with me as you read along. I will have questions afterwards.

Are you ready? Let’s start!

He was five people.

Every one of him was different. Or at least my idea of him is.

The guy with the sharp eyes

The guy with the sharp eyes scares me most of the time. He is someone I do not understand. He smiles rather sarcastically, where his lips curl on one side of his face while letting out somewhat a smirk and a sigh altogether. He says and does things the opposite of what I would prefer. He is someone who makes me feel small and insignificant. He’s a snob. And I would never have a clue what runs in his mind. You can see him in gold or silver chains, earrings, ash gray hair, rings in most of his fingers, raps like a maniac, and has so much swag. I wouldn’t dare approach him, honestly. Oh, and he smokes too, and a lot at that.

The guy with the warm smile

The guy with the warm smile is tender, sweet, and soft-spoken. He is a little naive and stubborn, but he is responsive to my requests. His eyes are always smiling and shining – you can easily tell. His hair is always worn down with his bangs lowly hanging right before his eyes. I must say he is also a very loving son. He can be seen with a pair of fully clear spectacles at times, if not with his Dachshund, or his Corgi, or his Bichon Frise. His hair is jet-black. He speaks with a lisp. He is simple, and very thoughtful. And if anything more, he makes me feel like I matter.

The silly guy

The silly guy is the life of the party. He is always seen with company who are almost always laughing at his quirks – whether he is dancing ridiculously, singing hilariously, or acting dumb. His friends would capture his loud snores and he is proud of them. He is always with his circle, so it can be hard to get a hold of him. He can do all sorts of funny things – from a really distorted face, to playing hula hoops with his hands raised in the air, to shouting at the top of his lungs without giving a damn, to being really sensitive tickle-wise, to holding a pan readily aimed at you, or to throwing you some rocks if he feels like doing so. He loves to talk non-sense and finds pleasure in making those around him entertained.

The child

The child is really adorable. He is easily pleased, and is easily happy about simple things. He rarely shows this side of his. But it was significant enough that I was able to notice him. You would want to take care of him. He has a tendency to lose things, or be easily fooled. He takes pleasure in food, in new shoes, in coffee, and in Barney stuffed toys. He likes to travel, and appreciates nature, but hasn’t really travelled by himself as he can be quite scared. He can also take really good pictures. And I can easily assume he has an eye for art – abstract, at that. He also has several desires fashion-wise, but that he acts cute if he knows he can’t afford it.

The musician

The musician is very strict. He is very serious about the job that he does, and the music that he makes. But you can see him spring to life and have fun when he is on stage. You can easily depict a tinge of nervousness in him, but the charisma is there. After all, the show must go on, shouldn’t it? If there is any distinguishing factor about this guy, is that he has the most beautiful laugh I’ve ever heard. His laugh alone is already music to my ears. If given the chance, I would like to hear him laugh for the rest of my life. He is fire. He has the desire to push himself to the limits to reach his dreams, and won’t let anything stop it. He worries about it at times, even, of how he will be in a few years, while all his friends are getting succesful. He doesn’t mind women, and extends his support instead to his fellow musicians in the industry.

 

THE ASSESSMENT

How did you feel?

Do you feel like you already ‘kind of’ know this person?

Do you already have a mental image of how he might look like?

How about with how he talks, or how his voice sounds like?

Do you now have a hunch of how he might react depending on a certain situation?

If you do, that’s exactly how you get an idea of a person. Idea – but not necessarily the truth.

Everything I said above are just samples of having an idea of somebody.

At a glance, you would even probably think that I am talking about a person who suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder, but I am not.

They were all just based on how I find him to be.

And this person can surely be an entirely different individual than how I described him above, and my perceptions may all be wrong.

 

 

THE RATIONALE

Falling in love with an idea of somebody is a whole new different level though – we all have ideas of people around us anyway, don’t we?

Sometimes, even of ourselves. We tend to think we are this kind of person, only to find out later that we have been trying to pursue a certain image we are exactly not. But I will talk about all these in another blog.

The point is, we always have ideas – whether of ourselves or others.

But if you fall in love with an idea of somebody, that only means to say you have already made the decision to choose to believe on your ideas of that person – hence, giving up on the truth.

And it’s a pity if we give it more thought, as there are reasons why we do this.

Denial – We choose to create a mental image of the ‘perfect’ person ‘perfectly’ suited for us and only does ‘perfect’ things in the ‘perfect’ moments like he sprung out from a movie or a fairytale. And since this real person is close to what you had in mind, or at least workable in that regard, then you choose to go for him, put him in a pedestal, and it all starts there. You deny him of his flaws, of his imperfections, and of whom he might not be, because it is convenient. Because he is convenient. Because he will do. And because he is available.

Resources – Sometimes, we also fall in love with an idea of what a person is, because we have little to no resources of getting to know that person. He might be a celebrity, a politician, an athlete, a cool guy from the office that’s too hard to approach, a classmate who is always surrounded by girls, or, just somebody whom we deem is just waaay too out of our league. So we resort to our ideas of them, and we try to (as ironic as it may sound) keep our ideas as close to reality as possible by trying to get to know the person through observing him, or worse, stalking him.

Boredom – We also allow this to happen whenever we got nothing better to do. We’re just bored, or are out of the dating game, or have no prospects, or know we aren’t really ready for love yet but just that you’d like to keep the fleeting feeling going.

 

THE PITFALL

Now this is where it gets dangerous.

The more you choose to believe your concept of this person, the deeper you can possibly be emotionally attached to it. And once you do, I’ve listed out the things that could happen.

It will be hard to segregate what’s true from what isn’t

Everything will be mixed up in your head.

What you really experienced, and what you only daydreamed about, what really happened and what your expectations are, what your current status is and what you hoped it would be.

It’s like living a double life where you’re cheating on yourself with the person you rather he become.

Sooner, it will be hard to use your judgment when you have to make decisions which will cause you to either lose yourself, or lose him, in the process.

It will be an endless chase of disappointments

If you ever really come across this person at one point, or if you already do, but keep labeling him as something he is not, and if he does something way different from what you thought he is or should be, what will it leave you to become?

Disappointed.

Every little thing that strays away from your list of pre-conceived ideas of him, you will definitely feel shocked – betrayed even, depending on how deep your notions of him are.

He will also be disappointed of you in return, for having to set unrealistic expectations of him. Isn’t that unfair? You haven’t given him the chance to show who he really is, and on top of that, he has to satisfy your concept of him.

It will be a life full of lies

I hate to say it, but surely, you are in a make-believe world you created. You are currently revolving around your fantasies. Or in other, rather blunt words, you are deceiving yourself.

Imagine, if things move forward between the two of you, how are you going to treat this person? Just as how you formed him in your head?

No, he isn’t and hasn’t thought about proposing to you the way you imagined it to be – yet, and no, you guys aren’t going to have a home in Malibu – yet. And the beach wedding you desire? It might not even happen. Well, yet.

You do not really know the person

Who is he? Do you even know? Will you have a way of knowing? And if you would, what are the chances you will get confused? How can you segregate the fallacy from the reality?

Your relationship with this person – whether as a friend or something else – is already bound to fail due to all the ideas of him you created in your head.

Until you wake up from this delusion first, this wouldn’t get resolved.

Start from a clean slate, get to know the person, and see if you like him – if at all, still.

You are currently just infatuated

You’re probably just super-ultra-mega obsessed with him right now that it makes you think there is no one else in the world for you but him, and that you are indeed in love, and that he fits you perfectly, and that you like everything about him including your idea of his imperfections, and that you guys are meant to be from the very beginning.

Wow! Let’s stop you there for a minute.

While that could be true, the chances of it being false, is somewhat, well, at par.

Truth of the matter is, this might just last for a few months, and you will be over him in no time – that easy.

So take things slow, and re-assess yourself and your feelings.

Are you really in love – with all the idea of perfection you have inside your head, or with the living and breathing (I’d like to say ‘block of cheese’ but…) person right in front of you?

You risk getting hurt

By the end, it all boils down to what your expectations are versus what you get in reality.

As absurd as it may be, you have the most power to hurt yourself, and this other person, in this setting.

Sure, he might be a well-quilted ball of ideas that’s made of husband material tailor-fit for you and your needs in your perspective but girl, are all of them true?

*pouts lips on the side and snaps fingers twice*

 

 

THE REALIZATION

So let’s turn the tables for a quick bit and let me ask you.

Suppose, somebody falls in love with their idea of who you are, where it totally does not resonate and line up to who you really are, how would you feel?

*pulls your hair before you can even answer*

Then wake up!